The Haircut

Titus, my 15 month old, had his first haircut this week. But unfortunately, it was from his sister! I was cleaning in the kitchen and they were playing in the other room. The kid scissor's are usually in reach for Ellie, my 3 year old, because she's usually good at using it properly... except for this time.

While I was doing dishes, Ellie came pouncing in exclaiming, "Mommy, look at this!" She was holding a large clump of hair in her hand. I wasn't sure whether to scold or laugh. After the shock, I merely chuckled and said, "Ellie, is that your hair or Titus' hair?" "Titus's," she responded gleefully. I went into our play room and found clumps of hair everywhere. "Ellie, you can't cut Titus' hair anymore, do you understand? Scissor are for crafts only," I said firmly but gently. "Okayyy," she droned.

Lesson accomplished, discipline averted. In instances like these I am tempted to scold and be more harsh on Ellie but when I give it some thought, I realize she was never told not to cut Titus' hair so should she be disciplined for ignorance? I don't think so, at least not in this case. Different scenarios may cause different outcomes.

When I tell this story to my other mom friends, the first question I get is "What did you do?" or "How did you respond?" I answer, "I laughed, told her not to do it again and cleaned up the hair that seems to keep magically appearing everywhere I go in my house."

I believe that kids are kids and they sometimes will do childish things. We should keep that in mind when we discipline. Don't get me wrong-- I do understand that truth and grace come together. I try to discipline for outward defiance not brought on by extraneous circumstances. For example, if you've overloaded your child with activity, or skipped a nap, or let them go hungry too long and they act up, is that their fault or yours? Be constantly aware of external circumstances in your child's life. When those factors are involved, a little bit of grace needs to present. When it's sheer will, then yes, truth needs to be present.

But there needs to be a proper balance of the two. How do we know if we've got it balanced? Read books from noted authors on parenting. Ask older men and women whom you admire whether they agree with your discipline style and tactics or not. Ask peer moms and dads that you trust what their thoughts are. And ultimately pray that your discipline style is honoring to God.

Of course, you will get varying opinions on your specific style. However, you are not looking for complete agreement; you are looking for a general thumbs up or thumbs down--a "I don't think you have anything to worry about" or a "I have a few concerns..."

Ultimately, you are accountable to God on how you raise your children. But God has placed godly men and women in your life to sharpen you. Be open, be humble, be teachable--the things that you want to instill in your children as well. Be what you want them to be and act how you want them to act and all will be well. They are watching and learning and storing every bit of information in their little heads for a lifetime.

While cleaning up Titus' hair clumps on the ground, I asked, "Why did you cut Titus' hair?" Ellie responded, "It was too long." And I immediately remembered conversations with my husband recently before the incident in which we said to each other, "Titus' hair is too long. He needs a haircut."